EUROPE - SOLINGEN

The bakery a few blocks up the road from the hostel has abysmal choices, so I take charge into the next door kebab place and we all end up getting V2-sized falafel wraps and doners. 6 people going large at his joint at 9 in the morning, the shop owner is thrilled.

We drive through snow to cowtown Solingen, Simon and Chris blasting a song featuring the lyrics ‘She thinks my tractor’s sexy’, and do Covid tests in the Cow Club we’re playing. Simon swabs a bit too hard and nosebleeds all over the test. I reflect how far rock and roll has come - 40 years ago, Mötley Crüe also would have been testing on the road, albeit for the clap, herpes and HIV. Then again, maybe they wouldn’t have. Tests passed, Simon changes into his stage attire - Slayer cap, sleeveless Slayer shirt, Slayer gym shorts, Slayer socks.

The dinky venue is actually packed and amazing - Friday nite, people wildin. One of their first shows in awhile too. And after Covid, it’s the last club open in town, we’re told. Great main support band Alteri, potent mix of HM2 brutality, Disfear melodies, and raging power

violence moments. Our set goes well, I remember mostly everything, band seem happy and maybe impressed. Their biggest German fan accosts me, in a lovely way, to scrutinise every pin and badge on my vest, asking where they came from. ‘This Amebix, where did you get it?’ From a record shop in London, All Ages. ‘This Napalm Death, where did you get it?’ All Ages. Most of them are All Ages. ‘This Tragedy, where did you get it?’

I’m buzzed with the show gone well. Had a lot of stress and nerves and angry shits before the set, but all I needed was a few beers and to see the generic opener and that reminded me I can do this. Hyped with the way it’s gone, I’m roaming the small building looking for action. Mack has been propositioned by a strange swinger couple (‘We are in an open marriage, you want to fuck her? You can go and I can be the cuck. / You’re not playing a show tomorrow, you’re coming on a 12 hour ecstasy binge with us...’). I, and Mack, can do without all that, but there was talk of ecstasy, so I’m on the hunt. Mostly everyone is going home, the snow is not letting up and it’s freezing. No party tonite. Jack is asked by a German, ‘So how is the Brexit?’

Never had a load in/out in such a blizzard. McDonald’s down the road is the only thing open by the time we get in the van. I never hit the Golden Arses and hope no one from the gig will see me queuing in my studded Anti Cimex vest. Chris and I get the McPlant. It’s ok. My shit and piss reeks of it for the next few days tho. Not worth it.