ROCKNROLL MANIFESTO

Couple times a year now all these reactionary pundits make these pantshitting racist claims that rock is dead and it’s all hip hop's fault. 

Well hip hop has rightfully proved itself to be the more dynamic, adaptable, evolving art form. In many ways it’s more DIY than punk ever was. Sorry, you fucking ‘let the free market dictate’ wouldbe Darwinian losers. Rock didn’t lose cos of some hip hop conspiracy, it loses becuz our best hopes are weird Oi revival bands doing pub rock or bland bourgeois bullshit like Idles, when no one has been able to step up and rub a leather clad behind on the throne that Turbonegro have left vacant for the next great rock n roll band. 

Yes I am serious, Turbonegro have been the best rock n roll band of the 21st century and I know that’s an obscure position when their fanclub are often as debilitating as AIDS but there is no other that has come close. 

However they have become an institution and as with all institutions we must destroy that which is now status quo (and also destroy Status Quo). Until we aim to TN’s greatness, modern rock n roll will keep wallowing in mediocrity. But I guess you enjoy Neil Gallagher’s High Flying Turds. Whatever. 

We need big dumb FUN rock n roll again. The answer won’t be found in overly educated nitwits or hyperniche hardcore. We need honest to goodness depraved, deranged, drug guzzling rock n roll lunatics. We need it more than ever. 

Old punk rebelled against vague concepts of authority, before becoming that next line of authority. We need rock n roll that refuses to grow up, not cos we’re still rebelling against mum and dad, but becuz we’re rebelling against the whole capitalist structure that wants our jobs to be our entire lives. That wants us to hang up our guitars and say it’s time we got on with our careers. 

To create in this era is to rebel. To create is to be free and ageless. None of us will live forever, thankfully. But one of us might write the next Age of Pamparius. Which is just as good.